21. Women from where you’re from are stuck up.

20. There are no women where you’re from.

19. You want to bone up on your geography skills.

18. You work at the post office, so you get a special discount.

17. You want to sponsor one of those needy kids, but you just bought a new couch.

16. You’re a member of an insane religion. And it’s just one of those things you do.

15. You’ve already got a wife in your home country. Why repeat yourself?

14. It’s another way to earn air miles.

13. Like father, like son.

12. Women from where you’re from aren’t smart. Let’s be honest, if you crave intellectual conversation, where’re you gonna go, St. Petersburg, or New Jersey?

11. You like unwrapping packages.

10. Who doesn’t like getting something in the mail?

9. As a UPS worker, it’s one of the perks.

8. You’ve already smuggled drugs, meat, porn, plants, and endangered species through customs. You need a new rush.

7. You’re writing a book about people who smuggle their brides overseas through customs, and want to “get a feel for what they feel.”

6. You’re a contestant on a Japanese game show. This is the kind of thing they make people do on Japanese game shows.

5. It’s not the bride you want, but the free CDs and t-shirt that come with her.

4. You worked it out and the shipping charge is actually less than the monthly Internet fee for your membership subscription to her website. Why rent when you can own for less?

3. There are some jobs Americans just won’t do. Statistics show oral sex is one of them.

2. The inflatable doll is wearing out.

1. Everybody else at school has one.