The fair city of Tokyo offers up many simmering delicacies to the discerning world traveler. And, if you are further lucky enough to favored by Fortune’s hand, and find yourself suddenly in Tokyo with a fair young maiden at your side, you may well wonder “Now where the heck do I take her?”

Never fear my well-traveled friends! For just across the panoramic spread of the majestic and aptly-named Rainbow Bridge, there lies just the place, for you and your special someone. That place is… Odaiba.

Odaiba is a group of zesty man-made islands set like bite-sized chocolate dumplings in the roiling spray of Tokyo Bay. She’ll love ‘em!

After riding the Yurikamome elevated train from Shimbashi station, you and your dreamy-eyed date will step off onto the chocolate-coated shores of Odaiba itself. This is when the fun begins! Do you like department stores? Good! There are department stores on Odaiba! Just between us and the Internet machine, the department stores on Odaiba are indistinguishable from those found anywhere else in Tokyo. Acted surprised.

While you’re on your date at some point, you’re probably going to get the urge to take a bath; I know I do. When you feel this urge, grab your date by her silky-smooth hand and rush her as quick as your feets can handle, off to the sweet, bubbly paradise known as the Oedo Onsen. “Onsen” is Japanese for hot spring (now you owe me 5 dollars).

While the Oedo Onsen is not a fully traditional onsen, as it is segregated between male and female bathers for the full-frontal nudity portions, you will stiil get to see your honey,

1.Choose a paper-thin patterned cotton kimono from the reception as you arrive. Butterfies; Samurais; pictures of other fair maidens are available.

2. Walk through an outdoor rock garden featuring hot pools in which she can dip her tender toes.

3. Drink a hefty assortment of mouth-watering Japanese alcoholic beverages inside a mock traditional Edo period village, (the main interior of the Onsen apart from the segregated hot spring itself, is a restaurant, in the for of an Edo town).

Trust me, she’ll love it. And you could use a bath; no offense.

21. She was planning on cheating on your dad anyway, and you didn’t want her “going outside the family”.

20. Let’s face it, neither of you is getting any younger.

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21. You like the same kind of music.

20. Just watching her on dvd all the time feels cold.

19. You really like her work and want to hear what she has to say about it, in bed.

18. You’re a Greek shipping magnate.

17. In order to save her reputation.

16. You get to see what herpes looks like.

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60. They’re condescending when they talk to you.

59. They keep sighing deeply when they talk to you, as if they are bored.

58. They refuse to give you their phone number when you ask for it.

57. They refuse to give you their email when you ask for it.

56. They refuse to give you their name when you ask for it.

55. They don’t look at you.

54. They don’t talk to you.

53. They don’t look at you when they’re talking to you.

52. They look through you while they’re talking to someone else.

51. They borrow your newspaper and give it to someone else.

50. They don’t return your calls, faxes, e-mails, postcards, telegrams.

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21. Women from where you’re from are stuck up.

20. There are no women where you’re from.

19. You want to bone up on your geography skills.

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You’ve just had the most romantic dinner. You’ve connected on more levels than either of you expected. Without any discussion somehow the two of you silently agree to go back to your apartment. You put on a CD and it turns out it’s by her all-time favorite artist. What a perfect night.

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