In another tasty tidbit just added to the apparently endless nature vs nurture debate, experts at the Bateman Group have released their bi-annual report, containing the inflammatory statement that “Nature, in all its wisdom, has not seen fit to bless our furry friends the bears with the ability to drive.”

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In the US fight in the global war on terror (GWOT), allies are often found in strange places. Last Monday, Major Paul Rutgers Neilson of the US Airborne casually announced that as of the start of this summer’s recruiting season in August, the Airborne is setting its’ sights on America’s hyperactive teens.

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Urging an end to in-fighting and “low blows,” GOP Presidential candidate John McCain yesterday suggested the Republicans scrap all remaining primary campaigns and “decide who’s going to be our GOP nominee, and the next American president, by hot dog-eating contest.”

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Californian Republican Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has told Californians to “get ready” to feel the bite of a sweeping new by-law which sets the stage for widespread government confiscation of private property. The controversial Proposition 711 allows appointed officers representing the State of California to confiscate, sell or demolish any visibly unused property found within California’s porous borders.

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